There is a question every woman and man should ask themselves before they begin to give—whether it be time, energy, attention, or their heart: "Am I giving out of love, or for the sake of love?"
This is the one question that can change everything.
Giving from love means that your cup is full enough that you are happy to share from it. You expect nothing in return. You are not making a contract with the other person that says, “I give to you now, and in return, you choose me.” You simply give because giving feels good – and because you know that within yourself, you already have everything you need.
Giving for love, however, looks very different. In this case, anxiety is hiding behind the act of giving:
“If I give even more, maybe they will finally notice me. Maybe they will finally love me. Maybe they will finally choose me.”
But this never works.
If someone did not appreciate what you were already giving, giving them even more will not make them love you or choose you.
Your attention, your time, and your kindness are not a kind of “currency” you can use to buy someone else’s feelings.
In fact, the more you give to someone who does not know how to appreciate it, the less they may value what they receive. And meanwhile, you become more and more tired, more and more empty.
The key is not to give more. The key is to stop and recognize that you do not have to earn love.
Why are you waiting for someone else to choose you?
You do not have to hand over the right to choose to someone else. You do not need a partner, a friend, a family member, or a workplace to tell you that you are valuable.
You can choose yourself. Again, every single day.
When you choose yourself, you are not being selfish. You are simply beginning to see reality more clearly: you are valuable too.
You deserve respect, care, and love too – not only the people you love.
When you love, respect, appreciate, and protect yourself, you will no longer pour your energy into the “wrong cup.”
You will no longer invest in relationships, situations, or people who are unable to receive what you give.
Because when your own cup is full, you begin to notice who only takes from it and who is able to share joy with you.
The next time you are about to give something – anything at all –, sit down for a moment and ask yourself:
“Am I giving from love right now, or am I giving for love?”
If the answer is that you are giving for love, stop.
Breathe.
Do not give anything more until you are able to return to your own center.
Because the greatest gift you can give to the world is not what you give to others.
It is being whole within yourself.
